The Daily Mire

Bite-Sized Satire From The Swamp


Vultures Mistake Steve Bannon For Fresh Carcass Following Powerful Trump Statement

It’s been an eventful day for the former White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon.  Earlier today a quote from a soon-to-be-released book claimed Bannon believed some meetings held at Trump tower were, in fact, treasonous.  While left-leaning media outlets began to salivate over the developing feud between two enemies of the left, Donald Trump was quietly crafting a response.  A few hours later Trump unleashed a statement that decimated Bannon, claiming he “Lost his mind” when he had lost his White House job. Only moments after the statement was released, Steve Bannon slammed his laptop shut and went outside to bring in the trash from the curb.  That’s when something amazing happened.  Bannon explained, “I looked up and say several large birds circling above me.  I didn’t think anything of it at first but then they began a steady descent.”
Bannon paused to refill his gin, “then they just landed on me…started pecking me, pulling at my flesh.”  Vultures are scavengers by nature.  They do not attack or consume living prey. “I had to run inside and take cover,” Bannon concluded as he finished his gin.  As the Daily Mire crew approached Bannon’s home for the interview, they noticed the vultures still circling above the house.  Local bird law expert/cheese enthusiast Charles Kelly informed us that “the only explanation for this attack is that they mistook Mr. Bannon for a fresh kill – a carcass ready to be consumed. Mr. Bannon’s complexion and demeanor do exhibit carcass-like qualities, perhaps the President’s statement has had something to do with it.” Whether President Trump’s savage statement is related to this attack remains to be seen; however, it seems the relationship between Trump and Bannon is officially dead meat. /


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