The Daily Mire

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Evil Corporations Build Death Star That Fires Bonuses Directly Into Employee Bank Accounts

“THIS IS ARMAGEDDON.”  Nancy Pelosi was right, the recent tax cuts have caused Armageddon…if by Armageddon you mean billions of dollars in raises and bonuses raining down on a helpless middleclass, then yes, this is Armageddon.  NASA has recently released photographs of a massive space weapon orbiting the Earth.  What was first thought to be Russian or Chinese weapon tech, has ended up being far worse than anyone could’ve guessed; A massive Deathstar, built by a multi-corporation conspiracy to fire tax cut savings directly at their employees.  It seems these evil corporate bigwig one-percenters have grown tired of stashing their cash under their mattresses as Bernie Sanders and company constantly warn about.  One man recounts the moment the Deathstar struck: “We were just sitting in the lounge.  It was the Tuesday after the bill passed.  All the employees were just sitting in silence, waiting to die like the media told us to do. Out of nowhere, Carl calls from accounting telling us we’ve all been fired… $3,000 bonuses.  The way Carl delivered the news was so strange; that long pause after ‘fired’ was …confusing. We were shocked, it was just so abrupt, it all happened so fast.” Many other accounts of this corporate “Wealthstar” firing money into employee’s bank accounts have been reported.  It seems this Wealthstar has been blasting bonuses and raining raises upon the middle class at a frightening rate.  Nancy Pelosi has proposed an X-wing attack on the corporate wealth-wielding weapon; however, Boeing, the company she contacted regarding X-wing manufacturing, has also just launched loot directly at their employees.  As the weapon continues to catapult capital at the middleclass, democrats brace for Armageddon, it seems the extinction of democratic economic policy is nigh.

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