The Daily Mire

Bite-Sized Satire From The Swamp

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Wrong Button Gets Pressed, Diet Coke Gets Dropped On North Korea

 


Early morning, Pyongyang, North Korea.  An unusual alarm wakes Kim Jong Un.  Dozens of staff and officers coming running in to shuttle him into his bunker. Panic. There is no time for his ritual morning cup of medium roast Czarbucks (A semi-popular coffee brand from Russia that the North Korean Leader bought part ownership of). As he descended down the spiral staircase his most trusted commander briefed him on the unknown missile that their radar system had picked up. It’s speed and trajectory meant it would be at the Supreme leaders doorstep in only 9 minutes. As they entered the bunker, Kim Jong Un layed on the floor and his staff systematically dog piled him – it is a great honor for North Korean’s to lay between their beloved leader and the bomb blast. As they counted down for impact, The Leader placed his finger on the retaliation button. He would fire his entire Nuclear arsenal at the United States in a final demonstration of North Korean Power. 5…4…3…2…”Wait!” Yelled the lead commander as he watched a live feed of the missile. With a loud thud, the object landed at The Supreme Leaders doorstep. Moments later, a Swiss intermediary contacted Kim Jong Un on behalf of the U.S. to explain that A White House cleaning lady had mistakenly leaned on both of President Trump’s desk buttons. Pressing both the Nuke and Coke buttons created a crossed signal which fired an Intercontinental Ballistic Diet Coke at North Korea. With the world nearly ending as a result, the two leaders sat, recovering pensively on their respective wingback chairs. As Trump slowly sipped a fresh Diet Coke, thousands of miles away, Kim Jong Un cradled his streaming cup of medium roast Czarbucks.

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