The Daily Mire

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Business Politics

Political League Of Obese People Issues Warning To Soda Manufactures

The Political League of Obese People has levied heavy criticism towards some leading soda manufacturers this week. As marginalized groups everywhere voice there frustrations with not being at the forefront of business, politics, sports and entertainment, The PLOP has issued warning that their members will boycott soda companies until a soda that considers them is released and made available. “We are underrepresented in the soda industry,” said Pat Stuffmore, a representative for PLOP. “Everywhere we look it’s diet this and diet that. Why are they trying to change us?” PLOP has been working hard to legitimize obesity. They claim that obesity needs to be accepted and celebrated. “We want a soda that has double the calories. People who wish to be thin can buy diet coke, people who want to stay the same can drink regular soda, but what about the people who want to be obese? Where is our soda?” PLOP proposed Coke Max, a soda containing the FDA maximum allowed caloric content. “The truth is, we account for 99% of total soda sales,” said Gary Lotsagulps, the new representative of PLOP, who recently replaced Pat Stuffmore after she was hospitalized with Type 2 Diabetes. Soda manufacturers are yet to respond to their demands, likely because they don’t believe they can go through with the boycott. “They will pay for their blatant weightist attitudes,” said Vance Nomandchomp, the latest representative of PLOP, who just replace Mr. Lotsagulps, who was admitted to the hospital with severe heart irregularities about 20 minutes ago. Whatever happens, it seems PLOP is prepared to throw their political weight around until they get what they want. /

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