The Daily Mire

Bite-Sized Satire From The Swamp


‪Hatch Retiring – Mitt Romney Immediately Updates Resume; Adds “Proficient in Excel.”‬

The retirement announcement by Utah Senator Orrin hatch, the longest serving Republican Senator, has unleashed the political forecasters. At 83 years young, Hatch declared he will retire at the end of this term, leaving pundits speculating about his replacement. The easy money is said to be Utah native Mitt Romney. While the 2012 Republican Presidential candidate hasn’t officially said anything, there have been some clues. A source close to Mitt says he noticed Romney updating his resume just minutes after Hatch’s announcement. “He loaded up his computer and opened a word file entitled ‘My President Resume,” said the source. “After changing the font from Times New Roman to Proxima Nova, Mitt added ‘proficient in Excel’ under ‘Special Skills’ and then saved the document as ‘My Utah Senate Resume.” The Unnamed source continued, “Mitt doesn’t want to lose again. He is adamant he lost in 2012 because of a lack of technological proficiency. He’s been watching tons of YouTube tech tutorials in preparation for his return to politics.” If true, look for Romney to have possession of a binder full of spreadsheets. /


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