The Daily Mire

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Trojan Condoms Now Come With Consent Form And Notary Public

Trojan condom prides itself on being a leader in safe-sex protection.  So in an effort to adapt to the ever changing landscape of sexual culture, Trojan has announced it will now protect you sexually AND legally with the new Trojan Protection Pack™️.  Each Protection Pack comes with a box of condoms, 10-count of consent forms, and a contact number for a notary public to verify signatures.  Trojan claims the new TPP will reduce the risk of STDs, pregnancy, and post-coitus litigation by 98%.

Here’s how it works: You’re on a date, things are going pretty well. Your date makes a move and suddenly things become hot and/or heavy.  This is where the protection pack comes into play.  Just remove the discreet shoe box-sized pack from your purse or dating backpack, take out one condom, and one consent form.  Text 2200 to the Notary Public hotline and a Local Notary public will be there in 20 minutes. Then begin filling out the User Agreement and Consent Form (Print; black ink only).  After three short pages of legalese and about twenty initials and 5 John Hancocks, your notary will arrive and rubber stamp the agreement.  The notary will then run copies of the agreement at the nearest Kinkos.  Once the Notary returns, you each get a copy of the agreement, you tip the Notary Public (20% of total date expenses recommended), and you’ll be on your way to the safest sex you’ve ever had.

The Trojan Protection Pack retails for $650.00 which is a bargain considering the average sexual harassment settlement is $250,000.  That’s a savings of $249,350!

“Trojan: From Rubber to Rubber Stamp” Sold at fine retailers everywhere. /

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