The Daily Mire

Bite-Sized Satire From The Swamp


Trump Disappointed He Hasn’t Been Able To Use His Giant Scissors More During The Presidency

Washington DC – President Donald Trump has been a little down lately.  While 2017 seems to have been a successful year for the new president, he has admitted there are goals he has failed to meet during his first year in office. “We’ve accomplished more than nearly any President in our first year,” says Trump, “But I have so much more to do.” Sources inside the White House say the president has been sulking with his giant scissors lately. “I cut taxes, but didn’t get to use my scissors. I cut regulations, again no scissor cutting. Why am I cutting all these things if I never get to cut anything?”  Prior To entering into politics Trump used his scissors often, whenever he opened a new property or building. “I need to build something. I need the wall. Not so much to thwart illegal immigration – because illegal immigration is down bigly, believe me – but we need the wall to get the scissors out.” Mike Pence has reportedly been stocking up on ribbon to keep the President focused. It appears we can expect some more cutting in 2018. /


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